#96

The Emperor is shocked and intimidated by Fox's sudden appearance. He has learned, in his long days of being two people at once, how to control his flinching, and so he does not flinch. He, does, however, sweat, and his sweating becomes stronger once he feels the raw power surrounding his Master. It crackles as The Unscene does, and he knows then that the deed has been done. Universe-Beta-4 is no more.

What makes the Emperor intimidated is that the Inspector has never shown up directly in the throne room. He's announced his arrival and appeared via the portal or the main hangar. It makes sense that he wouldn't use the portal after Imperial Central was destroyed, thus rendering most if not all of the portals inactive, but clearly the power balance has changed. Still. He controls the Empire directly, and not Fox, and as such he has nothing to fear—for the Inspector does indeed still need the Empire for certain operations.

“My Lord!” the Emperor says. “You've returned!”

Fox merely nods, with all three of his heads. He reached over and presses a button, which deploys a seat intended for those debating the holder of the throne. As he seats himself, the Emperor looks over at his flanking Crimson Guards, nervously. They have not registered Fox as a threat, and he figures their reflexes should have reacted to an extra being so suddenly flashing into the throne room. It's as if they knew Fox was coming. Then he recalls that his Master can sense his thoughts, and he is no longer protected by the split thinking of his clone. He is entirely by himself.

It is now that the Emperor takes note of Lefty Sinister, who has ceased even angrily groaning and has instead resigned himself to bleeding and being chomped. His blood is steadily dripping onto the royal carpet that leads up to the throne. “My Lord,” the Emperor says quietly. “Who...is that?”

“An enemy of ours,” the voice of Puck the Vulture squawks. The voice doesn't have the same whimsy as it once did, instead sounding very tired.

“I see. Um. If I may ask, my Lord...was the Beta-4 operation successful.”

“It was,” Puck then says. “Things have...changed, Kai.”

“Because of your absorption? I've been informed our devices at Tower 3 are active in response to that...”

“The secondary device will be triggered soon also. I have moved our plans ahead. The Beta-2 operation is also finished.”

The Emperor chokes. “What?”

“I took a division of the army to Earth-Beta-2, and activated the Ultra device at the Earth's center. It is presently destroyed, with the intent of the explosive's transmission code soon triggering the end of its universe.”

The Emperor says nothing. He wasn't expecting this...or was he? He can't remember properly now...there seems to be some sort of contradiction.

“Once that universe falls apart, I'll take its energies as well. But I'm not sure I'm...ready...”

“Ready, my Lord? Are you...” His tone becomes significantly less formal. “Are you alright?”

“No. No, I am not.” Fox stands up, and begins to stare at nothing in particular. “I grow closer to becoming something else, Kai. Something like what your namesake, the doctor, once became before his allies slew him. Or something like another son of mine, or another brother of yours, who became different. One who lies beyond my auspices, with nothing but a skull mounted on his shoulders.”

Lefty Sinister allows himself a single pain grunt before simply going back to limpness and bleeding. He figures that at least he's keeping Mack Greasy from talking.

“My senses are altered; I could uplink with your mind and show you what I'm seeing now, but it would likely drive you mad. And I can feel that my existence is distorting both space and time on this planet. I can feel many surviving minds being driven to anxiety or worse just by the fact that I'm standing on Earth. And my mind is attempting to wrestle with all this.” He looks at the Emperor. “You will be my anchor, Kai. You will keep me mortal long enough to confront your namesake, your brother, and their army of children. They are strong, Kai; they have the benefit of having never been heroes before. The weariness present in heroes—the weariness that I feel now—is absent in them, though they feel inclined to pretend they have it. They have the youth that will destroy antiquity. For even now I slip back in time, and become...ancient. Somehow.”

None of this is making sense to the Emperor—or did he say that already?

“Very well, my Lord. This Earth will yet be your flagship. And I am yet your servant.”

Fox says nothing, then, for a very long time. In fact, he will not say anything until The House arrives, with the party in it. Instead, the throne room is filled with the sound of chewing, and an occasional grunt.

#95

When Jacob, Susie, and Mark reappear on Earth-Beta-3, no one really knows how they got there. They just know that the portal back to Earth-Beta-2 collapses seconds after they return.

There's a brief sense of nausea shared between everyone, including Doctor Kay and Klaus; a brief resurgence of the “threshold filter” that—someone—envisioned as they...did something. But that vanishes and so does any sense of stress the group has. In fact, they feel perfectly, flawlessly, unnaturally happy and okay with most things. They decide to wordlessly leave the building.

Mina's excessive and frightful gladness ends first when she sees the ruined Imperial Central, from the street view. “Holy shit.”

“Yeah, it's, uh...pretty bad,” Jacob says then, his senses returning. “It sounds like this used to be a nice place. Did You say that?”

“I did.” You is still nervous somewhat around Mina, but only because she's still nervous around You.

“Okay. Hm.” She thinks for a little bit, and then sighs. “I suppose the natural stage right now is to be caught up on what's happened, and to be introduced to all you folks...”

You sighs then as well, having told the story a couple of times now, but quickly summarizes it, figuring You can fill in details later. She seems miffed at how short You makes the story sound (which in turn makes it contain even less sense), but accepts it. Jacob also fills in his story, and she then tells hers. She then learns the names of everyone, which at this point include Susie, Klaus, Doctor Kai, Mark, Jacob (whom she already knows) and You.

“Wait,” she says. “I thought your name was Yorick.”

“Oh! That was to avoid explaining my APPLE. It's incredibly difficult.” Then You pauses. “Wait. Did you...did you just say 'your'?”

“Yeah! Is...that a problem?”

“No, I mean, with a lower-case 'y'.”

“Um. I have no way of knowing this...?”

“Just...say something again. Addressed to me. In the third-person.”

She sighs. “This guy is proving to be annoying...”

“No, I mean, with a pronoun.”

“Okay, yeah, really annoying. His story made no sense and he lied to me about his name.”

You pauses, and locks eyes with Susie. They both have an expression of excitement and bewilderment.

“Tell me, Mina. Did—does your Earth have a sub-caste of grammar-based mutants?”

“Absolutely fucking not.”

“Then you may be one that's as-yet undiscovered. No one can refer to me with proper pronouns except you—even people from your Earth, like Jacob.”

“You has a point,” Jacob affirms.

Mina pauses, and this pause of all pauses is the most bitter. Still in a euphoric state, it is Doctor Kai who breaks the silence.

“We can use The House to head towards the Emperor's base now,” he says. “I just hope it's not too late.”

“Too late for what?” Mina replies.

The Doctor touches his head. “I assume we have to worry about lateness...but time feels...strange...”

Jacob senses that the Doctor is being overdramatic, and he explains this quietly to the group. But he does have a point. Something is messed up around here, and he doesn't know what it is. But it's too subtle to care about for now.

Meanwhile, in the Red Tower, current home of the Emperor, Inspector Fox arrives on Earth-Beta-3.

#94

Amos returned to the Plano Mortos. (Which he didn't realize wasn't accurate Spanish, or even accurate Esperanto.) He immediately walked up the hill towards the skull-faced dude, whom he had called up until this point, variously, Lord Death Man, Skull-Face, Kathulos, or (his favorite) Doctor Anton Phibes. He only did this because when he was alive, and thus capable of writing, he had had an unnatural obsession with skull-faced figures and always wanted to tell a story in which one of his characters—likely based on his brother—met a figure not unlike those preexisting fictional skull-faces whom he was in essence ripping off.

“Kurq'wes!” he shouted.

“Who dares invoke the name of Kurq'wes?” Kurq'wes replied, playing up his role designed for this particular individual to the utmost. Amos burst out laughing.

“It's me, you Scottish fool. One of the new kids. I have a message from you from one Kai Cripps...”

Kurq'wes stared at the young man with all the fury a skull could conjure. “Ah? And at what stage is he in his timeline? Is he a fallen dark wizard as I once was, the deformed Son of Mystery, turned and absorbed by the Second Enemy? Or has he returned from death to pursue nobler aspects?”

“Look, man, I don't know, but listen. He needs you to use your magic as a psychopomp or whatever to fuel a portal that my bro and some friends of his need?”

“Referring perhaps, then, to the portal in the ruins of your home-Earth?” Kurq'wes replied. “I can do such a thing but in this aspect I shall require a fee.”

“Yeah, sure. Work it out with that Doctor dude, I figure. I just need to help my bro.”

“I understand, Slimechap.”

“Hey! You remembered the nickname! Thanks, dude...”

“Let us return briefly to the remnants of Earth-Beta-2. From there I shall contact Kai Cripps and inform him that I will aid him. As my charge, and bartering piece, I must take you with.”

“So I get to be alive again?” Amos grinned. “That sounds...”

There was a flash, and suddenly Susie, Mark, and Jacob were joined by Amos and the skull-faced wizard.

Instantly, Mark and Susie started screaming at the sight of the latter figure. Jacob flinched away from it, and Amos flinched away from the screams. Kurq'wes turned to look at the terrified pair, and just before he flashed away he wiped the memory of his existence from the assembled four.

“...incroyable!” Amos finished.

He looked over at Jacob. “Bro!”

Jacob smiled back, though he naturally felt inclined to mock the Slimechap's ape-like and pretentious smile. It was like nothing had changed. “Holy shit!” And they did hug, though that was something that they were traditionally not fond of doing in the days in which Amos was still alive.

Once the hug broke, Amos turned and looked at the other two. “Who're your friends?” he asked.

It was at this point that awkwardness kicked back in again, as the other two realized that the person standing next to them was a dead man. Mark felt apprehensive around a figure of such an attribute, but he couldn't remember why. He briefly considered the idea that he had some sort of induced phobia of vampires or something, but that all sounded ridiculous. Despite this anxiety, he was the first to step forward.

“I'm Mark.”

“OH HI MARK.” This was said in an obnoxiously thick fake European accent.

“Wait. Was...was that a reference to The Room?”

There is a brief glimmer of understanding between the two men. “Yes,” Amos replied excitedly.

“I love that movie!” Mark replied. “I love it for...for...”

“...for irony purposes?!”

Mark nodded happily, and the two men began screaming. Then they wandered off to the side, to start discussing such films. It made Jacob glad to see his bro enjoying his second life; but the smile he had suddenly became bittersweet. He was beginning to sense the nature of the deal Kurq'wes was striking; and he knew that it probably wasn't right for the dead to walk like this. But while the nature of the shaft around him enhanced his ability to see through the fictions of his world, his senses were also deadened, and so the dreaminess that afflicted Mina earlier was coming back to him. He couldn't think straight. Humans were likely not meant to come down here. Or maybe he was just catching up with some genuine shock, given the circumstances he was currently in.

Overall it felt weird to be standing in the ruins of one's home planet, and it was also weird to see one's dead relative standing right there. There was a sort of hypnotic anti-peace going on at the present, like everything was poorly cut and looped together, and given a weird black and white effect that made Jacob as a viewer feel sick. By this point, Amos and Mark had started talking about ancient German expressionist films, which may have been altering the nature of the shaft. But Amos won't be here much longer, Jacob thought, as if that was the natural thing to think.

Susie was sitting out, having never really watched too many movies growing up. Instead, she considered talking to Jacob about books some more, but she couldn't find words either. Like she could sense the same things he could.

They both just found kinship in wanting to escape the shaft, so things could back to not making sense in an actually decent way again.

Jacob just sensed that this was all pointless. And he was right, because the presence of Kurq'wes was naturally terrifying beyond merely having a skull-head, as objectively speaking he had actually mutated into an eldritch abomination. It's just that only Doctor Kai could sense this (having had great experience with such abominations), and Doctor Kai is off-camera at present. Those are just the facts, and the simplest of them was that Jacob was right in this all being pointless, because Kurq'wes no longer had rational human thoughts processes, and despite that status, was running this part of the story.

Eventually he reappeared and said nothing; Mark and Susie did not notice him, but Jacob and Amos did. The deal was struck, and the portal restored itself to life via magic. Then the mutated sorcerer turned to look at Amos. “It is time to fulfill your destiny.”

The shadows of the Portal Chamber flickered as time slowed down. Amos dimly recalled this rising of shadows as being similar to a threshold effect in a video editing program before he began to float away from it all. He was being dragged out of this universe, out into the murky fuel-colored maelstrom of The Unscene. He went peacefully, and upon his request saw that his brother didn't notice or feel anything. It was his last care before he was pulled away, disintegrated, and reconstructed inside of a new body. He became the Amos Berkley of Earth-Gamma.

Years later, he nearly died, serving the whims of a wizard he would never meet, fulfilling a purpose that he never guessed at. The shockingly literal price of one human soul had been paid.

#93

Naturally, this all meant that Jacob was in the Land of the Dead.

That's what he initially called it, of course. He didn't know what else to call it, really, because it wasn't something like The Unscene or even Hell, much less Heaven. He always figured he'd be sent to Gehenna or the Elemental Plane of Fire (or maybe just the Plane of Water) when he died, but this was Amos' afterlife. Some cheesy-ass dark place, where the grass, air, and sky were all dark purple, with a dead tree with some random skeleton dude standing next to it on a hill. All around him were the shambling glowing shades of all those who had once been as hilariously lame as the so-called Slimechap.

Jacob had already figured out the nature of the Cosmic D8. Some of the campaigns he had had with Lex involved the use of the Rods of Wonder—in fact, they had had what were sometimes called “Rod Battles”, set in a D&D setting, using a made-up list of effects. He figured that if there was a Multiverse, presumably somewhere out there, in some universe, the Rod Battles happened in “real life”. As such, devices such as a reality warping die weren't beyond the realm of possibility. Presumably such a die's technology could be part of a tandem set with a real life Wonder Rod. And so it was that he knew of the “Swap Sibling” function. He didn't think that You and Susie were siblings, as they hadn't mentioned it; but it could be possible the die recognized spiritual siblings as well as true ones.

With this pondering in mind, Jacob was content to just sit around and wait until his brother recalled him—assuming he wanted to, of course. It was always possible that Amos would just Jacob's place in the realm of the living (or whatever the mainstream universe was technically called), but he figured that this was really the sort of place where his bro would want to spend the rest of eternity. Maybe he'd grab a camera or something and make a movie about all this. Who knew.

However, it was as he was considering his old games with Lex that someone bumped into him. It was deliberate, as the phantoms here had no true tangibility—at least, that they could conjure up without great effort.

“Marcel?”

“Hello, Jacob.”

As Jacob looked at the ghostly face of his friend, he tried not to conjure up a Dickens reference in response to the spirit's reply.

“Um. How are you?”

“Dead. Are you dead as well? Lex tells me that he didn't know whether or not you survived the attack.”

“No, I'm alive. But I've swapped places with Amos, for now.”

“Oh, okay.”

There's a pause, but the two seem—or at least try to seem—happy to see each other, even under these circumstances.

“Well, not much has happened to me since the attack. Except, well, there was one thing...I seem to have merged with another version of myself. He's dead too.”

“Really? Hm. What was he like?”

“He...led a much different life. He tells me that he was part of a...gang of sorts, of four other guys...who included Amos, or another edition of him. He didn't really die, in so much as he just faded away. My other self, that is, not the alternate version of your bro. And then, when he got here, I just sort of absorbed him...or vice versa.”

“Ah. That sounds...painful.”

Marcel didn't reply. But then, he didn't blink, either.

Suddenly, Jacob began to feel on edge, but he tried to push it off as natural, given his geographic (necrographic? Nethergraphic?) circumstances. But in reality, it was Marcel suddenly leaning in close to him.

“He has a message for you, Jacob. My alternate self, that is; my Earth-Gamma self. To pass on to Lady Asherah.” Lady Asherah? Who the hell is She?

“Tell her...tell her Tamaron is coming.”

That's when Jacob turned. He looked full on into the face of the spectre of...Jacob Berkley.

He didn't even contemplate screaming, but before he would have had the chance to do so, he was swapped back out again.

#92

“I swear to God if you do not release me this second, I will fucking kill you.”

“I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW THE FUCK WE ENDED UP LIKE THIS.”

Mark slackened his grip and You walked away from him. Jacob was shocked, but not by anything but the sudden appearance of You. He didn't ask any questions then, as the urgency of drifting in space in the ruins of one's homeworld is all-consuming, logically speaking. Even more urgent was the fact that he could feel how unstable this shaft is, and how it would collapse soon if he didn't move fast.

“The portal isn't working, You,” he said instantly.

You turned and looked at Jacob. “It isn't? But then how are we going to get you guys off?” (Quietly, Mark slapped his forehead at that last sentence.)

There was a flash of light then as You was automatically replaced by Susie. She smiled, then, having told Doctor Kai that they were alright, and capable of being rescued. In return, he had given her the die, which she now passed to Jacob.

“Here,” she said.

“What is this?” he began to ask, until he realized at once what it was. He'd used these tons of times; only differences were that this one lacked visible numbers on it, and that it was weighted. “What's this going to do? Are we going to break out a bunch of character sheets or something?”

“He—Doctor Kai, that is—told me that you need to roll it, and let it come up how it will. He said he need...your brother.”

Jacob ducked back in an overtly exaggerated but wholly rational and actually sort of sad manner.

“But...”

“He knows.”

Jacob knew that he knew. He didn't like the fact that he knew it, and he certainly didn't like the whole proposal. But Doctor Kai typically seemed to know what he was doing, in the right personalities, and as such he had to just have faith.

His mind spun with the die through the air, as he was bound to it and traveled with its energies to another place.

Even more confused was the short-haired bespectacled redshirt who took Jacob's place the next second.

Amos turned and looked at Mark. “...what?”

#91

“What are you doing?!” Mina screams. She's tearing furiously at Doctor Kay's coat. “What just happened?!” There's no ambient noise; for everyone involved the despair is noise enough.

“Your homeworld, young lady,” says Doctor Kai, his personality changing again. “...has been completely destroyed! And if you don't stop that at once and allow me to use this server to stabilize your universe, it will also explode and take this whole blasted Cascade with it! Which, I must add, includes us!”

“Bring back Jacob!” she cries.

“I will do what I can, but there's no guarantee that any of the mechanisms on their side managed to survive that blast!”

Mina falls back and bites the side of her hand. “Who are you people, anyway?!”

“I'm Yo...” You begins, but then You realizes that any introduction on Your behalf will complicate things. “I'm Yorick. My name is Yorick.”

“Okay, 'Yorick',” Mina says. “That doesn't answer my question. Who. Is. You?” She ignores the grammar that circulates around that fractured sentence.

“I'm an adventurer. What you've been caught up in a very serious affair...”

“I can tell that, you imbecile! Where is this place?! And...and...” All the stress she's been burying for some time now finally breaks down. Except this time, mercifully, she doesn't enter another hallucination.

You, or Yorick, You supposes, considers trying to comfort her, but the only person who'll be able to do that, it seems, is Jacob. And for now, none of you can get him back...if he's even still alive. But You isn't going to think about that—Susie is with him. So maybe You needs some comforting, too. She's sat down on one of the stairs, and You wordlessly joins her.

Meanwhile, Doctor Kai struggles to hold it all together; but in a much different, and much more mechanical way.

I think you've got it all stabilized, you fool.

“What?” he says aloud. He looks over at Klaus, who is glaring at him. Did you...? he thinks.

Yes, of course I did. The universe is okay. Now, we get those kids back.

What the hell? Are you thinking at me in English?

Did I ever specify that my thoughts were stuck in German too?

Not really, no. At least, not that I can remember. Though I must say, it's nice of you to highlight your thoughts so our italic-face lines don't get confused. Do you do it commonly? Don't answer that; it'll imply I care about consistency. I must confess, we haven't spoken in a long time, brother.

A long time, ja.

You slipped.

So I did.

The two pause for a moment before continuing.

Kai, I must do what I can to continue to Guide the boy on his quest. I am beseeched by a higher power.

I understand, Klaus. But what can I do? I'm doing all I can, as well.

We must use the Cosmic D8. I know what its functions are. It's derived from Wonder Rod technology. You remember the wielder of the Wonder Rod, don't you? Alpha-Earth superhero...

Of course. Captain Cosmos, wasn't it? But the Rods of Wonder are unpredictable...

The Cosmic D8, however, only uses eight of the expressed Wonder Rod functions. Destroy good. Destroy evil. Summon good, summon evil. All vague, natürlich, but it is the eighth function which we'll need. We can weight the die so we only receive the outcome we want.

And what outcome is that?

It's called “Swap Siblings”.

Doctor Kai ponders this for a second, before turning to You. “Excuse me,” he murmurs, lurching up to the step where You's sitting. “It seems as if we might be able to rescue the others...if You gives me the Cosmic D8.”

“The dice thing? Um.” You glances at Klaus, unaware of the rapport. Klaus nods.

You should really try speaking to You, Klaus.

It is not part of the job, brother.

“Alright,” You says, and You hands it to him. Kai turns back to Klaus, and they begin rigging the die to roll in the way they want.

You ponders how You wouldn't trust Kai if it wasn't for Klaus. Your—the Emperor's name is Kai. You is really starting to notice the whole “K” thing going on, and You wonders perhaps if that's why Kai also goes by Kay. Maybe it's an irony thing. If it is, Mark doesn't seem to understand it. And You can sense who Mark was raised to be.

Of course, You doesn't know Mark's true destiny at all. Presently, only two particular superhumans do, and they're keeping it to themselves. One of them isn't even sure already.

Give it to him. To You.

The Doctor approaches You.

“We've set the die to help You. And your friend, miss.”

“My cousin. Jacob's my cousin.”

“Yes, of course. I assure You, You, that if You rolls this, it will help us reconnect with the far side. We risk there being nothing out there, but it's a risk we'll have to take.”

Klaus nods once again.

You looks up, and upon seeing this—and without asking any questions for once—You rolls.

Suddenly, You is gone, and Susie is in the room. She turns and looks at Mina. “What?”

#90

The portal image shattered with a flurry of sparks, severing the link between the two universes. Instantly, the eardrums of the three travelers popped, saving them from the maddening roar of the entire planet exploding. In less than a second, almost seven billion human beings died; but deep with the Earth's surface, three of them survived. The shaft that Mina had climbed into was sucked into the depths of space, alongside millions of tons of pulverized rock. Sensing the brief vacuum, the machinery within the shaft desperately attempted to maintain gravity and an internal atmosphere, for the safety of the lifeforms cradled inside it.

Again the scream of this vacuum, Susie somehow called out, in the simplest of terms: “Hang onto something.”

Jacob grabbed onto the portal console, while Susie snatched a pipe on the wall. Mark clung desperately to Susie.